I awoke this morning in pain. You would think after a decade of discomfort I would be used to this.
But that's not so. My pain is always different. Sometimes, fast and numbing. Sometimes, jarring and bone chilling. Then there is the all time favorite, throbbing and steady. I've come to the conclusion that my body is communicating in different time zones. You see, the outside of my body lives for today. But the inside, is stuck on yesterday. It has its own time clock and sleeps when it wants to. This is difficult because sometimes I need to be awake. It gets complicated when I feel groggy while I'm walking. I could easily be mistaken for a drunken person.
I'm awake at night, as if I came from the night club. My mind is wired for sound and I have a bad case of the munchies. I purposly keep the refrig empty. You can imagine what would happen if I didn't.
I complain to my family or anyone else around. My doctors don't think I have anything to worry about.
But they aren't in my shoes. Every little pain becomes a 'what if my cancer is back?' question.
Having daily pain can be a obstacle in itself. Yes, I do pain management and I try to keep up with my appointments. But in the end, its my perspective that gives me greater comfort. It's not easy being a breast cancer survivor. We must learn to see things differently.
When it's all said and done, pain is a way the body sends signals to you. So I'm still learning to let it operate on different time zones. And maybe some day, I will be back in sync! Until then, its all good, at least I know I'm alive!
pj ledar
http://www.behindthepinkribbon.info/
pjledar@yahoo.com
http://www.orangecachiropratic.com/
